Quiet Moments
by AndAllThatMishigas
Summary: After Ros's funeral, Harry and Ruth drive back to Thames House and muse about quiet moments: all those quiet moments that have held them back in the past and all the quiet moments they might share in the future.


**Quiet Moments**

It was foolish. Harry knew that now. But one thing he'd learned from being forced to say goodbye to Ruth after Cotterdam was that he'd wasted so much bloody time with her. He wouldn't make the same mistakes again. No, he'd make entirely new mistakes. And truthfully, he hadn't made the decision lightly. He'd been thinking about it for quite some time. He'd never found the right time to bring it up. This hadn't been the right time. But in their life, when would have been the right time?

And now they were in his Range Rover, silent as he drove them back to Thames House from Ros's funeral. The heaviness of his proposal sat between them. No, that wasn't entirely right. It was the heaviness of her refusal that hung in the air.

"Quiet moments."

Harry glanced away from the road to look at her. "What was that?"

"Quiet moments. You told me once that the perfect companion understands the need for quiet. We have a lot of that, don't we? Quiet moments," she mused.

He shrugged slightly. "Nature of our lives, I suppose. Of us. I don't think either of us ever can find the right words at the right time. So we stay quiet instead," he reasoned.

A small smile graced her lips. "I suppose. But I do like these quiet moments with you, Harry."

He hummed noncommittally. What did she expect him to say? He'd asked her to marry him and she'd said no. And now she was saying she liked sitting in the quiet with him? Sometimes she was so inscrutable to him. He could read her so perfectly, knew precisely what she was feeling. What he often couldn't figure out was _why_ she felt that way, what possessed her to react as she did.

"Do you still believe that?" The sound of her voice cut through that quite she claimed she enjoyed.

"Do I still believe what, Ruth?" he asked patiently in return.

"That the perfect companion appreciates the quiet?" she pressed.

"I think so. But too much quiet can be deafening sometimes," he replied softly, knowing all too well how the silence between them had caused them each so much pain.

"Harry, pull the car over," she requested.

He did as she asked. "What is it?"

Ruth stared at him for a long moment. Quiet. Always so quiet. Finally, she spoke. "I wanted to be sure I had your full attention."

"You have it."

"I was thinking...in the quiet. I agree, it's very nice a lot of the time, to just be in the quiet together. But it doesn't quite serve a good purpose when that's all we have." Her brow furrowed with serious contemplation of the issue.

He bristled at that statement. "And that's all we have, is it?"

"I don't want that to be all we have, Harry."

His heart skipped in his chest. "Ruth, I..."

Before he could say another word, she hurried onward, the words spilling out of her mouth in that distinctly Ruth-like manner. "I'd like you to try again, please. I don't want this to be about Ros or about a funeral or about wanting more in life. If you're going to ask me, I think I deserve for you to ask me properly. I stopped you from saying something a long time ago, I made you leave it as something wonderful that was never said. And we left it there in the quiet of that dawn morning on the docks with a kiss and a pair of broken hearts, but please, Harry, we should have more than that, shouldn't we? Haven't we earned more?"

Harry stared at her in utter awe. Her voice was shaking and unshed tears glittered in her impossibly blue eyes. "Ruth, I love you," he blurted.

She chuckled cathartically. "That's a much better place to start."

Music to his ears. "I should have told you every day. It wouldn't have been fair for me to do that, you'd have probably run for the hills that much quicker."

She frowned in confusion. "When?"

"When I asked you to dinner the first time," he admitted, knowing he'd been in love with her before then but it had taken everything in him to ask her just to share a table with him for dinner and not profess his undying love then and there; Juliet had certainly rattled him with that one.

"Even then?"

"Even then. And every moment since. And today was probably a horrible time to ask you but nothing ever seems to work out between us and I...I don't ever want to be without you, Ruth. I love you and I need you in my life, for your guidance and your kindness and your strength and your courage. And that's why I want to marry you. I want to give you everything I have to give, I want to try to make you happy and keep you safe and I want to love you." Harry gazed upon her lovely face. "Christ, I love you," he breathed.

"And now you ask me, Harry," she instructed, swallowing hard in anticipation, trying not to fall to pieces.

"Ruth, will you marry me?"

"Yes, Harry, I will marry you," she replied. She didn't even wait until he'd finished speaking. Her "yes" was spoken over his "marry me."

He was stunned. He had just started to process her refusal. But now she'd said yes?

"Have you changed your mind?" she asked, trying to break his silence.

"No, of course not."

She smiled. "Good. Then I think now you should kiss me." He leaned in, but she put her hand on his shoulder. "Oh but first, I want to tell you..."

His blood froze again in terror. "Tell me what?"

"I love you, Harry. And I should have told you every day since I realized. But I called you a bastard instead and then after that we just stuck to the quiet. And in all those moments, I loved you so desperately. I just didn't quite know how."

Now it was Harry who was grinning uncontrollably and quite close to tears. He cleared his throat and suggested, "I think we should have a quiet moment now so I can kiss you senseless."

Ruth's beaming smile beckoned him forward. They were both slightly restrained by their seatbelts but that was probably for the best. They'd have more unrestricted time later. More quiet moments like this for the rest of their lives.


End file.
